At the end of Tuesday night?s Kremandala Show, Rufus X criticized my decisions in a specific area, and I had to spend a lot of time thinking about what he had said.

In 1984, when I was in a heap of trouble, Rufus was the man I asked for help. Four years later, he had taken it in his head to contest the UDP convention for the Belize Rural North division. Rufus X believed that it was he who had actually gotten Sam Rhaburn over the hump in the 1984 general elections. Rufus believed that Rhaburn was a nonentity who could never have beaten the entrenched PUP incumbent, Fred Hunter, were it not for Rufus. And, most importantly, Rufus believed that Rhaburn had not delivered on the promises that both of them had made to the people.

When I say to UDP people that UBAD was established in 1969, four years before the UDP, they get very angry and start lashing out at me. But the main person I?m thinking about is Rufus, because he was an officer of the UBAD Party in 1973 when the Unity Congress, the precursor to the United Democratic Party, was organizing for the general election challenge to the PUP in 1974.

Although UBAD had become a political party in August of 1970 and had contested the 1971 Belize City Council elections as a junior ally of the National Independence Party, although we had a basic organization and street popularity, we had never received any substantial financial support.

The Unity Congress, which was to include the People?s Development Movement, the National Independence Party, and the Liberal Party, appeared to have financial backing, and they invited the UBAD Party to send representatives to their meetings early in 1973. I never attended any of their meetings, but, for sure Rufus X, Wilfred Nicholas, Sr., and even Bill Lindo, who was then an officer of UBAD, attended Unity Congress meetings as UBAD representatives.

Inside the 10-man UBAD Party executive, a pressure began to grow for us to fall in line with the Unity Congress. As president of the UBAD Party, there were two things which affected my thinking. Firstly, Philip Goldson, whom I considered the Opposition Leader, was in London studying law, and secondly, I had experienced disrespect in January of 1972 in the Brooklyn home of a high ranking leader of the British Honduras Freedom Committee, a leader whose father was in charge of the Unity Congress process.

UBAD broke into half because of the Unity Congress. Five officers, including Rufus X, voted to join the Unity Congress. Five, led by myself, voted to remain independent. UBADers began to quarrel amongst ourselves. Rufus became a militant UDP after the party was formally established in September of 1973. That was my impression. From then until three or four years later, we had little contact with each other.

The reason I mention this, is so that you know that at the point in 1988 when Rufus X decided to contest the UDP Belize Rural North convention, he had a 15-year history of extreme and unbroken loyalty to the UDP, a party which then conspired to deny him the opportunity to represent them in a general election. Rufus had stood at my side in 1984, and so, in 1988, I would have been less than a man if I had not reciprocated. At that point I man, who had campaigned vigorously for the UDP in 1984, was branded an enemy by UDP leadership because of my support for my brother.

Today, I have known for some time that Rufus X and the PUP leadership are having a beef which has been getting worse and worse. I?ve heard him on the Kremandala Show making open attacks on the Prime Minister, indirect attacks on Cordel Hyde, and so on. A few weeks ago, I wrote that I cannot be expected to attack my son, my son-in-law, or my friend. Other people can do that; this is a democracy, after all.

On Tuesday night, Rufus challenged me on this position, and he pointed out that the PUP had bushwhacked me in 1978, when I was their friend, and that this could happen again. I spent a night and a day trying to analyze what Rufus had said. Sometimes he sounds outlandish, but this is a brilliant man, I can assure you.

I have concluded that Rufus believed that I should be more supportive of him in his quarrel with the PUP government. And I believe he may be reminding me that his loyalty to me is important because of the PUP?s history of treachery. If my conclusion and my belief are correct, I have to concede that Rufus is right. And once I concede that, then I have to spend even more time to understand just what exactly is my situation on Thursday, July 29, 2004.