By Colin Hyde

   There are these spots in the Good Book before and after the Gospels that make you go ‘whoa! What’s this here?’, but if you are a sober one, you won’t get tripped up by triflings; you just put them away and trod on. Bah, if you’re the picky type you can hit a block when you hear of people living hundreds of years. My, 13 years a child and 687 years an adult. Think about those people who get all nostalgic about their glorious childhood years. But Grampa, that was 500 years ago!

   Aw, I bet the prophet’s editor was a lazy so and so, or maybe the prophet thought there was no fuss about hyperbole in the context of the greater message. Hmm, if we could have determined our gifts, only the men might have asked for such longevity. If human beings lived to a ripe seven hundred years, that means an old-times woman could have “dropped” more than 600 children. Ouch, some of these modern ones don’t want to carry any! Before you believe something, you should think it over. My, my, we have had them underfoot for 6,000 years. It is for sure they would have rebelled long before if they had a train 600-children long behind them.

   Whoa there, some ehm, brave men are fighting tooth and nail to deny women the precious freedom. Afghanistan is very wicked. I see they have passed a law that the father or brother of an uncovered woman will go to jail. Everybody is getting smart, and the Afghans are giving the true definition of wisdom. Sending a man to jail because his liberated woman dares to expose her pretty face is advanced thinking.

   The female form, every man who is not a card-carrying member of the UNIBAM glories in it, but not all of us clamor for all this beach exposure. The first man who dyed his daughter’s undies and sent her to bathe in it was a, a…hmm, I know I need to be more careful with my words. Hooray for the girls who told the Olympics they feel uncovered playing beach volleyball in the bottom piece. A not too short little shorts is damned exciting, while the bikini panty scants into the, ehm, not so modest. Okay, I’m in trouble.

   I say, it’s pure Afghanistan devil genius! Don’t harm the women; let the poor dad or lover rot in jail. Only rarely will women gang up and fight to save a man. That probably only happens in politics.  

   In for a penny, in for a pound, I believe the young man’s mother was suggesting that He go around the corner to buy a few quarts of wine. The story I have from The Gideons version is there were 6 stone water pots holding 2 or 3 firkins apiece! Just like you, I got excited when I saw WINE, and completely ignored quantity. That’s because most of us never heard of a firkin.

   The amount of fermented berry juice that was made wouldn’t have slipped us if we’d read the story in the New International Version (NIV). In John 2: 6-7 the NIV says: “Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons. Jesus said to the servants, ‘Fill the jars with water’; so they filled them to the brim.”

   Like the 700 years thing, we won’t sink a beautiful story because the writer didn’t cross check his numbers. My gosh, there’s something very special about a man who fed the people, and gave them wine to drink when they ran out of it at the party! What was Jesus thinking? Fill dehn jars till they run over, Braa!

Some little facts about the caffeine drug

   Jesus warned about hypocrisy, and in that vein coffee drinkers who are ferocious in their advocacy against weed need to check themselves a little. Coca and marijuana were legal all over the world, until the overzealous Americans and some other Europeans decided they should be illegal. Coffee is legal all over the world. But if you check the stats it is as much a drug as the other two.

   I don’t do coca, I’ve never seen the leaf; and I don’t smoke weed. I like the taste of coffee, but I seldom drink it, because it is too stimulating. I don’t like that coffee keeps me up at nights. Exercising late, eating fish for supper and drinking coffee make for much tossing and turning when I’m in bed.

   Many people who work in offices do coffee to keep them from sleeping at their desks. I know that some people who work in the fields do weed to ease pain, and to dull the bother of mosquitoes, sandflies and batl aas. I understand the Incas chew coca leaves to alleviate altitude sickness, and as a stimulant.

   BBC News said the Minister of Culture in Bolivia claimed the Pope, a rootsi brother, had requested some coca leaves to chew on when he visited that country in 2015. The story said the Vatican hadn’t commented on the Pope’s desire to share in the Bolivian sacrament, and if he did he didn’t say. Coca to the South Americans living in the Andes was a blesséd herb from God to His people in that part of the world, until the all mighty Americans came along and made it illegal.

   There are cannabis and coca varieties that have less “drugs” in them than some coffee berries have. The story on coffee is that the Robusta variety has twice the caffeine of the Arabica. Brothers and sisters, dose makes poison. Understandably, people in authority had to take a second look at coca after wise men started concentrating the alkaloid in it to make cocaine.

   Don’t take your eyes off coffee. There’s a local story that a popular young man had a heart attack and died after consuming a couple energy drinks. Generally a single can of energy drink should be safe, but these things are loaded with sugar and caffeine. There are people who are vulnerable, so youngsters especially should be advised to proceed with caution.

   BetterHealth says caffeine can cause an increase in heart rate, a rise in body temperature, dizziness, and headaches. BetterHealth says a 250ml cup of instant coffee has 80-120mg of caffeine, there is 160mg in 250mls of some energy drinks, and consuming 400 milligrams of caffeine in a day is considered safe. Red Bull has 80mg in a 250ml can. That makes Red Bull look safe, but we shouldn’t forget the tons of sugar in many of these energy drinks.  

   There are concentrated caffeine powders that are extremely dangerous. Everyday Health says: “That white powder [you’re snorting] might be a deadly dose of caffeine, not cocaine. Overdosing on powdered pure caffeine can kill you, the FDA warns.” BBC News says a 29-year-old personal trainer, Tom Mansfield, collapsed and died in 2021 “after taking caffeine powder….” The postmortem showed Mansfield had 392mg of caffeine per liter of blood, the equivalent of drinking about 20 cups of coffee. His death was ruled as a misadventure. The report said Mansfield miscalculated the dose of the caffeine booster and died of caffeine toxicity.

   Okay, some will holler that no one gets addicted to caffeine. That’s not true. Some will argue that caffeine doesn’t affect anyone’s work production, but guys who work in the bush will tell you that weed enhances their work production too. Some will holler that caffeine doesn’t drive anyone to commit murder, but the Rastafarians will tell you they’re a cool breed.

   All I’m saying to you is to think for yourselves. Say no to hysteria. There are people who need their weed as much as you need your caffeine and my breed needs our little drink. Let common sense rule in Belize, not rabid American propaganda.