Features — 05 June 2019
DPM Faber noh gat no chaynj fu chaynj

If one had been tried, convicted and berated for a failure or behavior, and if one were contrite, and if the behavior or failure wasn’t of the type that psychiatrists have determined to be addictive, it would be expected that one would do all in one’s power to change his or her ways. It is in the nature of man to err sometimes, but at the very least one would make the effort to stay away from recidivism.

Football folk know that when you are up against a force that is better prepared than you are, you are limited to striking out of a counterattack formation, and politicians know that when you have been called out for a certain type of behavior you should keep away from it with a 10-foot pole. What DPM Faber did recently gives everyone reason to say that he is the same old leopard, that hihn noh gat no chaynj fu chaynj.

We really have to point the finger at Patrick Faber for getting involved in that naked, shameless partisan, party-first distribution of exercise equipment hatched up by his colega, M Pablo Marin. This one was bold, bayr face. He could easily have told Marin, “ luk Braa, A deh wid yu a hundred percent, you know that punish the enemy is the way I roll, but I have this image problem I’m trying to clean up, want to show that when I am king I will be for all the people. If I do this devious thing in the face of Bernard in Belize City and Bernard in Orange Walk Town, and Rigo da Corozal Town, my name is going abroad.”

Mr. Faber just couldn’t help himself. It’s all over page 19 in The Guardian (Belize), with him acting like a proud papa in the handover ceremony. Read: “On Tuesday May 28th, the Ministry of Health handed over 5 sets of outdoor exercise equipment to 5 municipalities. The sets were handed over to the mayors (all UDPeez) of Punta Gorda, San Ignacio/Santa Elena, Belmopan, and San Pedro…The remaining set was handed over to Minister Patrick Faber…

“Hon. Patrick Faber expressed his delight at having the exercise equipment…He remarked …there was no need for gym membership fees. The user simply needs to show up and ‘give it all you got.’”

There, Faber has control of the exercise equipment in Belize City, not Bernard.

You have to wonder about the kind of mind in this man’s head. Really, this decision to spread fitness equipment to four municipalities under UDP control, and to the National Stadium instead of the Belize City Council, is flat out “in your face.”

This gentleman has seen a lot more than a billion Belize dollars pass through the Ministries he is in charge of, so he really shouldn’t be so petty with a few thousand dollars’ worth of equipment. That is chump change compared to what regularly passes through his hands. Why not allow the Belize City Council to feel big? Why did he have to be so cold?

I’m no Ms. Claudia, don’t have the training to analyze the kind of mind here, but Ms. Claudia and other psychiatrists won’t do it, and someone must. I didn’t ask for this job to decipher this man’s criminally cruel behavior.

Faber could be just a flat-out sadist. He might get a special kick to hear people yelp. He might not give a daam what anybody thinks. If sadism is his high, he must be having more fun than there is in a bottle of Fanta, for riling up the PUPeez and for irritating the rest of us with his share in the naked, shameless partisan display.

I’ll never condemn a man before looking at all the options. The man might be a sleuth, and this move is to find out something, maybe to see who all hogs will baal. It is not impossible that the bad mind is dirty party work in the “master of games” vein. This Exhibit A of the mean old leopard could be simply a sacrifice, taking one for the party to deflect attention away from something, say Sanctuary Bay.

His bragging about no gym or membership fees could be construed as communist, love for the masses, but if we practiced being as mean as he is, we might see the initiative as segregationist, a way to keep poor people out of the gyms where rich people go to pump iron and admire their physiques in the mirrors. It could also be a way to cut into the earnings of PUPs who own gyms. One of the reported goals of the UDP, expressed on WAVE, is to see all PUP businesses fold.

We have heard the PUP clamor for a past they considered glorious. Is Faber saying that the UDP should always stick to their true selves, which is, UDP first, first, first? Jesus said that one who shows capacity in little things is in line for bigger jobs, and this message might hit the mark with UDP faithful. When Faber gets control of bigger things, more will go to the UDPeez.

He could be telling the PM to go, go now, because this is the time to snap off the general election. The PM has been masquerading as Mr. Magnanimous ever since he and his FM engineered the jaunt to the ICJ, unabashedly expressing his appreciation to senior members of the PUP, particularly the one who shared the “Votamos Sí” billboard with him.

By the way, I see the “Votamos Sí” signs are down, but some people are keeping theirs up. You have to marvel at the restraint, the family upbringing of people in the No Camp – I haven’t seen one torn, defaced or graffiti-stained billboard.

Is there a reason why Benque Viejo didn’t get any of the exercise equipment? Is Contreras supporting Saldivar, and Marin supporting Faber in their leadership race?

We don’t often see Belize City mayor, Bernard Wagner, crying, but this one has cut him to the core. Bernard told KREM that he is not taking this pain from Faber and Marin lying down. Wagner said that he will take up the matter with the Mayors’ Association because they had all agreed to collaborate with the Ministry of Health on a wellness program. Wagner felt, rightly, that there would be a share of the equipment for his constituency and that it would be managed by his Belize City Council.

Poor Bernard, he is working so hard for his city. Belize City hasn’t seen a fine talent like him at the helm at City Hall in a long time. In fact his entire team is first class. Where in the world do you find so many leaders with the heart, the discipline, and the capacity to get the job done? It may be that Faber slipped into his old skin because he can’t stand that they are so good.

You have to admire how Bernard and his team handled the massacre of the greenery that Mayor Bradley did at the Battlefield Park. Brother Alfonso Ramirez pointed out last week that Butcher Bradley, Chainsaw Bradley, “cut down all the beautiful trees from the central park to lay a slab of concrete for people to skate.”

I bet Brother Alfonso is not the only one who sees red when he thinks about what was done to all those lovely trees. Henry Young, a UDP government minister of yore who is arguably the father of tourism in Belize, would have jailed Darrell for what he did to Battlefield Park. Mr. Young has offered to help sponsor the planting of beautiful flowering trees along the highways in Belize. If I got my hands on some of that money I’d probably buy a shovel and a few of the plants and shame Darrell into replanting what he uprooted and cut down.

Mayor Bernard is some cool cat. Instead of going after Darrell, he just bought a fake Krismos tree to cover up the naked, senseh fowl look at the park during the special season.

I’m thinking now that we might have another angle to get some funds to buy some exercise equipment for handing over to the mayors who were denied by the 100% partisan Faber and the UDP, and maybe even to replace those trees. Mr. Harry Lawrence wrote last week in The Reporter about a rich divorcee who has gone completely altruistic with her funds. It is a wonderful thing when a rich person decides to spread the wealth with the people.

I bet that she has already allowed the T. D. Jakeses and the Joel Osteens of the world to get their bite. That shouldn’t surprise us. Rich people know that to stay out of hell they have to walk a path that is tougher than the one a camel takes if he is trying to force his way through the eye of a needle.

All rich people, like Mrs. Poulteney in John Fowles’ The French Lieutenant’s Woman, believe in hell, so they take care of their church first. But a woman who just divorced the richest man in the world will have leftover chum to spread. If we can’t get her to come up, we might have to beg Taiwan for some more funds to buy exercise equipment.

This time we’ll ask Taiwan to not allow the UDP to get their hands on it. We know how Faber roll.

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Deshawn Swasey

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