The way the story goes, there was a wild alarm out last weekend that, if interpreted right, meant for us to immediately desist, stop eating at Chinese restaurants. The exposé was that our public health officials had gone to enjoy some fabulous food, where the nicest food is made, and while there they decided to kill two birds with one stone, satisfy the belly and do their jobs too, and while on the second purpose they found the carcasses of puss and dogs in freezers, and rat droppings about. They immediately sent out the alert.
Many people were shocked about the report, and very surprised by the blanket condemnation, the call for all the establishments to be avoided, so they waited for the weekend to pass before acting on the information. Sure enough, when Monday came there was our highly respected Dr. Manzanero on the airwaves to refute the report, to declare that it was all fraud, a big fake. I hear there’s a movie called, Waiting to Exhale. Well, I don’t need to see that, because it could never compare with the quantity of air let out all over Belize on the news that all was clear. You could hear the sigh of relief from end to end, border to border.
If you are a stranger to this country, or a vegetarian, you might not have grasped what the fuss was about. Let me explain. There are some things that are staples in Belize. Friday Amandala. Weekend Belikin beer, or rum. Chinese fry chikin.
Sadly, I have to report that my personal relief quickly reversed to grief; it was very short-lived. Whoa, not so fast, hold your breath again, the news noh done, because a short while after the declaration that all Chinese restaurants were good to go, another report came in, a confidential to me, this one that the Dr. Manzanero who appeared with the all clear, wasn’t the real McCoy. I can’t prove anything, but my informant said, yep, the man was a fake, a look-alike, an imposter – a Manzanero yes, but, he said, there are many Manzaneros in Belize, and he was not the right one.
No, I didn’t ask my informant if he might have made a mistake. That is standard me. I didn’t question if the original smoke from the kitchen, from the weekend, if it was a false signal either. I roll that way. Now, if I see the good doctor on the news with my own two eyes, and he says negative to the public health alarm, I will know that some kind of smoke got into my informant’s eyes. Until then, all I have is the burden of an un-refuted public health report.
Yes, burden, because now I have to decide what to do with the possibly explosive piece of information that I, my undercover informer, and public health officials who have gone silent, have knowledge of. I am not talking about what they reportedly found in the freezer.
Please don’t get excited about no “puss and dog” report. That is stale news, and a distraction from the story with the import. Ever since the modern Chinese set up shop in Belize, circus stop come. The first story about was that Belizean children lost interest in the circus because they could see all the wild animals on television. But a simple investigation blew the lid off that.
Circuses are no longer big business, so the owners have to keep the cost of food down for their lions and tigers and alligators. In the old days they used to get dogs and puss in Belize at 50 cents apiece, but now the puppy dehn noh even baan gud bifoa dehn disappear. The Chinese fetish for felines has been a boon for elder folk because in this new reality they don’t have to worry about being disturbed at night by ram puss di baal. If the menace ram puss noh een a freezer, ih deh eena pot.
When the story of what was happening to the pet population was first learned, there was some fretting, but a quick look at “preferences” showed there was no need for alarm about puss and dog carcasses in freezers. Pigtail is roots Belizean fetish, and you won’t find piece in your plate by accident. People guard the food they relish. Nobody is going to sell you blue label when you order red top, because you can’t afford it. It is basic that we are far more likely to get puss or daag in panades made in a roots local kitchen than from the kitchen of new Belizeans from Asia, because they will prefer to give us the sardine they buy to fatten the kyat, than to give us the puss.
No sir, there’s no need for fear there, no fear of eating the wrong meat. The fear should be all on the RD.
Ha, my first thought was that the path forward was straight, that when people heard about the RD there would be a response that would perfectly parrot Mrs. Ron Reagan’s “just say no” when she ran her campaign against drugs, but ah, things got complicated when I factored in a rather painful bit of food history in our country.
Now, it is common knowledge, at least to everyone who reads the Bible, that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and despite the changing times there are still a goodly number of women who give a daam and want to keep their spouses close. You can imagine the level of fear that ran through Belize when the Chinese established total domination of the culinary landscape!
It wasn’t put out on the airwaves, but it was heavy on the down low, the effort to find out why they were better. Yap, ever since the Chinese tribe tek over the fry chikin business, roots Belizeans have been trying to catch up. Those Chinese have more seasonings in their pantry than there are stars in the sky and roots Belizeans tried every one, even spying, but no matter what they tried, it was Chinese, hands down, first, second, and third place ribbon.
Our cooks tried everything, including the MSG, even at higher doses than recommended, after one spy, like some kind of Rumpelstiltskin, reported that the MSG was the gold, the secret to that special, superior Chinese taste. MSG hell, the missing ingredient was still, missing.
Hmm, what do you do when you’ve tried it all, when there’s nothing left? Then, you wait, that’s what, you wait, just like the old adage says, you wait, and wait we did. The wait has been long, and during the period a lot changed on the landscape. One of those was that a lot of women gave up on trying to control their men through their stomach. They just quit. There are reports that more women are drinking in Belize these days. But let’s not go there, let’s not digress.
Yes, you wait, and the wait was long, and then voila, out of thin air, there comes the scoop by way of the not properly debunked public health report. What is there in an “A”-class fry chikin kitchen that you won’t find on the shelves of the regular, run of the mill, boring fry chikin makers? It’s not MSG, that’s proven. MSG hell, it must be the RD that is making the fry chikin so nice!
Well, quick as I put the two plus two together, I, and a team I selected, were out on the streets to find out how this new discovery might impact decisions on food choices.
One young lady we apprised that it was our strong belief that the Dr. Manzanero who declared the Ministry of Health release was fake news, was himself fake, told us, after we told her, “MSG hell, it definitely had to be RD”, that she will still eat the fry chikin. She said she had no health concerns. Verbatim, she said, “Like hell, I love Chinese food. If ih nice ih mos bih good fu yu.”
I will admit, looking at the buxomness of the girl, if she is Example “A” of what food from Li Chee, Kik Down Fence, and Chon Saan can do for you, I want my girl to eat Chinese too.
One person said they don’t believe anything they read or hear or see. They live by taste and if we wanted tasty food they could tell us where to get it.
Some interviewees who were cooks, mostly women, giggled suspiciously when we asked them if they might be after a stock of the stuff for their shelves, since they now know what to use to bring up the taste of their fry chikin.
Indeed, me and my team interviewed 143 people, and while some of them blinked when we told them we believe we have proof of what’s making the difference in the fry chikin, and it’s RD not MSG, not one said they would be after a new menu. A few of them actually said they’ve read reports about health horrors of the MSG, how bad it is for you, and that didn’t move them, and if we didn’t understand what that means, it means that no RD will make them change what and where they eat either.