by Colin Hyde

I think we have all heard of despicable guys saying despicable things to high school girls as they make their way home in the evenings. Not everyone rejects their advances. We can’t run away from the fact that in every population there are some rude or risky ones (high school girls), and they have to be told that they have some responsibility for making crude guys feel that their comments are welcome. Older guys absolutely shouldn’t be harassing school girls. For girls who don’t want the attention, “nice” or vulgar from older guys, we are told it could be traumatic walking home from school each day.

To hear Ms. Tracy last Friday in the House, it was like that for her when she got jabbed by men from across the aisle. I don’t think the liks were anything much ataal. What, does Representative Tracy want to take all the juice out of the House? I know what Esquivel would say to her. He’d say, When baby waahn baal…

This complaint we heard from Tracy on Friday, it has been around many months, and I think we all thought we had heard the end of that. To compound her felony, you know the UDP should be the last one complaining about slander. Since House meetings started being aired so all of us could listen in, nobody has brought the House as low as the UDP man from Mesop. I have personal grievance against him for what he did to bukut. People like me would trade any fruit for a good boneless bukut. That Mesop area rep took it to the House and made it into a stinking toe. Agh!

Bah, Tracy pushed the rehash button, maybe all because the present Leader of the Opposition was told, properly, that he should apologize to the Speaker for his very upstart remarks. I have another segment for him. Hn, let’s not wait, let me get on with his rudeness first.

Ignoring the claimed technicality that the verbal assault was made outside the House, because that is cheap, those of you who are familiar with the comedy of Flip Wilson will know that this brother is carrying on like one of Flip’s famous not-so-heroic heroes. It’s not your House, Braa, just as it wasn’t Private Jenkins’ army. That’s why the colonel told Jenkins, “You know what, Private Jenkins? You should go someplace and start an army of your own. Because we are not going to let you run this army.” It’s the Speaker’s House, Dude!

Returning to the Albert representative, oh did she go to town on what her enemies did to her. But ouch, I think it was contrived, all acting, and on that also I have to say, sorry, she wasn’t great. I said that because I wouldn’t want anyone to be leading her on to thinking that she might be theater material. Aha, we saw the Bliss trot out a number of mature leading ladies on the weekend, and boy, they were so good they must have stirred some envy. I have to say it: Tracy is not in their league. Stick to the political arena, Trace. Be content that those girls on the stage are no match for you there. Play acting, from what I saw on Friday in the House, no, that is not for you.

Serious business: you know that for the good of Belize Ms. Tracy might have to lead the UDP into the next election. I tell you, if she doesn’t lead the UDP into the next general election, the party will not only lose in 2025, it will lose in 2030 too. Please don’t let us down for fear of being a loser in 2025. That will have no negative implications for your future. Based on tradition here, you won’t get booted out because you lost one. Giant heroes like Philip Goldson, Dean Lindo (with some qualification), George Price, Manuel Esquivel, and Dean Barrow all got chances at the pie twice.

My, what’s happening to the UDP is disappointing. Once upon a time, party financiers waited on the sidelines for their horse to come in. That’s not the case for the present UDP. The financiers aren’t about waiting for their bite; they are about ripping out the party’s soul. It’s a joke for S Barrow what’s taking place now. He gets to play at leader, to hobnob with credentialed people all over the world, all for his résumé. In playing along with his game, the UDP is insulting the intelligence of our people. This is a period when the party should be reaching into the third parties and the non-aligned, and remaking itself. The present leader can’t attract new talent to the party. I say, if he leads the UDP into the 2025 general election, the party will also not be a factor in 2030.

Hmm, maybe Faber will lead the party into the 2025 election, and if that happens he might become the PM of the country in 2030. Remember, I told him that if he would have any chance at the prize he would have to be like George Price. Well, apparently he hasn’t that kind of self-discipline, can’t make that kind of sacrifice. That makes his path to glory that much tougher. He’ll have to go to church a lot; regularly take whatever meds they prescribe him or smoke weed; stay away from alcohol; and hire and keep close to him a couple physical women, the kind who can give him fumfum, to keep him in check.

We can’t turn away from Tracy’s poor theater just yet. What fraud to say the PM abused her! We all know that children and youth have to be brought up, no matter how smart or docile they are, so it’s an absolutely fair bet that more than once in her life her mom looked her in the eye and said, Girl, if you want to be treated like a lady, act like one. What’s the big deal about an, ehm, father-figure like the PM telling her that?

Everyone knows that Jose Mai dreams of being exciting like Donald Trump, and that he was simply making a stab at being funny. I think they say that in the moment Tracy didn’t even notice his poor remark, that she didn’t make a to-do until AFTER the House meeting. I like to think about things, and I’ve been racking my brain, wanting to know which lewd so and so told her that Jose was making sexual innuendo. The joke was crude, and Jose’s wife was right when she said to him, bwai, da joke noh tek.

It’s a pity Tracy wasn’t “offended” on the spot, because it was a sweet opportunity for a quip. Hn, when I was a boy I was quick with a quip, but my ma and grampa thought I was too out of line, and they cured me with shooti broom and sash cord. A smart girl like Tracy could easily have stayed above the fray. Maybe her grief is that she missed the golden opportunity. When Jose said thee, she could have said, Hahaha, you noh funny, bwai, and poor Jose would have buried himself in that heap of rotting carrots.

Oh boy, perdón, I forgot that bwai is now dirty in Belize. No longer can we say, one bwai da bwai, two bwai da haaf a bwai; or bwai, you da lone —-; or, who da mi di bwai eena di movie?

I said it’s possible that Tracy sacrificed herself for her present leader. I hope he appreciates it. But I think the effort was wasted. Sorry fu seh it, but da bwai, I mean dude, noh got no respect. And that puts him in a group that is very small. Everyone knows that when respect is gone, anarchy reigns. The árbitro is a god. The Speaker is a god. The day the referee isn’t big as a god, there is no game. The day the Speaker isn’t big as a god, there will be disorder. That shouldn’t be so hard to understand.