Features — 11 November 2017 — by Colin Hyde
Cow noh belong in haas race

You can get bored with some old sayings, but be advised to not dump them. They are the lessons from the ages, to keep one out of harm’s way. You know them—be careful what you wish for—neva trouble trobl—every bully gat ih kecha—let sleeping dogs lie…Madabog, what was AG Pere thinking when he challenged the religious crowd? He couldn’t have been cerebrally engaged when he misfired so badly.

There are so many ways to effect change in a country. You can vote for the people who have ideas that are similar to yours. You can go slow, or strike, when your leaders have head tek. You can start a revolution and throw the bohgaz out. Of course, if you think people like you, you can enter the political race. That last one, it is so much like a beauty or a strongman contest.

If you are a girl, will you invite a girl more sproosi than you are to compete in the beauty pageant you entered? Nyet! If you are a strong boy, will you invite a boy who is burlier than you are to compete in the power boys’ contest you have entered? Nyet! In the realm of “be careful what you wish for” and “let sleeping dogs lie,” comes this challenge to local pastors to show their muscles. Can you believe an invite to local pastors to enter their pulpits in the civilians’ race? Doesn’t the AG know that if they enter the race, they win?
This AG must be pretty young, to be inviting them into the political arena. This is what happens when you’ve been getting away with everything you say, and everything you do, for too long. You go and fight a devil you can’t handle. You touch religion because you think you are the baddest bully in town—and you forget that evri bully gat ih kecha.

Ouch, how come no one told Pere that they are not alone? COLA’s Brackett is in their corner too. You know what happens if he brings his organization into this fray. Sedi knows. He, Sedi, was hiding in the Guatemalan Embassy when the tires started burning.

Talking about that one, look how he changed coats, eh. The man started out with Goldson, and ended up with Price. From NO Guatemala to PRO Guatemala! It’s damned incredible. He is the very reason why people don’t trust anything and anyone anymore. He has not only brought shame to his nation, he’s shamed his family too. Or didn’t you notice that his brother, Hubert, now shies away from public life. That brother doesn’t want to answer any questions about what Sedi is doing with our country!
How come Pere doesn’t know that the religious zealots are no pushover like the PUP? When he called for help and the police came and collared Julius Espat, and threw him out of the House, not a PUP unglued himself (they’re all men) from his seat and went to his aid.

Religious people are a different breed. They don’t confer with our Constitution when they need guidance. They confer with the first half of a book. That book doesn’t tell people how to drive, so in the religious fraternity it’s everyone to their own mind. While most everybody else is chugging along at 55, within the civil law, these religious people are touching 75. You think people who aren’t afraid of the Road Unit will be afraid of any old AG? While regular folk are shiftily trying to get in a first smoke after the new law, they are shifting gear on the speedways, to overdrive.

The AG took a song sheet straight from Wave Radio. There you can say most anything yu want, about most anybody yu want, and you have no fret because you’ve got full government backative. So, the AG, who is affiliated, comes firing off the hip.

I love those pastors, right where they are. We’ll have to smoke a whole heap of weed, or drink a whole lot of rum, if they take over the country. 10 grams is but a whiff compared with the amount we’ll have to burn if pastors start running the show.

Maybe the UDP has had enough of civilian rule. Maybe the UDP has feasted so frequently and thoroughly at the trough, they are klaid (cloyed). It happens. We know of parents who take greedy children to the dinner table, and “sweat” them—make them eat until dehn stuff. The UDP must be tired. Well, if they’re tired of the tasty food we provided for their table, who told them to choose the next party that will eat? This was supposed to be a red and blue thing, exclusively.

From the rest of us, to them, entrance to the dining hall denied! It’s bad enough to have to listen to this Scott, this Louis, this Richard, and this Santi, on the radio and the television. Can you imagine life in Belize if they moved their pulpit into the House?

Belize has a reading problem. I’d kick a man’s dog before I kwaaril with religion. Anyone who has any knowledge of the Old Testament knows that that crowd noh play. Hell knows. In every battle fought in that book, the devil lost, badly. Oh, there were times when it seemed that soul thief was on to something, gaining ground. And then, poof! The devil must be a Beagle Boy. The devil is like the poor man who can’t afford a lawyer. The devil always loses.

That other former colony on the mainland, the one with the biggest bomb, we have to give their civilians some respect for trying. They went to great lengths to keep religion inside the church. But they, unfortunately for them, didn’t go far enough. They should have taken away their vote too. Some religions voluntarily give up that right. They leave the rest of us alone. They are focused solely on their flock, and their hereafter.

The religion the AG assaulted will use a devil for their purpose. I tell you aredi that datideh crowd noh play. The American Democrats thought they had the last election over there signed, sealed, and delivered, so they started getting aggressive with their promotion of gay rights and the late term abortion. One of their people went into a pastry shop and would not leave until the kind baker there, made a cake for them. Another two went into a church and tried to force the pastor to hitch them. They were coming on with all kinds of strange ideas, until religion let hell loose. Now those Democrats are screaming about foul play from a Russian connection. The fact is they got what they asked for.

In Belize, the irreligious and the not so religious have been forced into prayer mode. The prayer going around is that there is enough good in them, to stay out of our politics. Those of us who drink a little rum, know where to run to. Those poor brothers who just got wap with the big tease, we have to worry about. This is cruelty. You can smoke your ten grams, if you’re shifty enough to get it.

It is a bad turn. And that just turned into something worse. Someone should apologize, before heaven lets hell loose upon us. Pastors running their pulpits into politics is bad for our health. They run, they win. And that calls for another ehm—saying. It isn’t fair for haas to run eena cow race.

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