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Fudge-making Minister

FeaturesFudge-making Minister

By Colin Hyde

   He’s a lawyer by profession, and if his passion was there, the trophies on his wall would include a long list of guilty parties whom he helped to beat the system, or if he is a rare conscientious type, a mountain of thank-you notes from the innocent downtrodden for his successful efforts to fight off chaansi people. That’s not where his heart is. Our Home Affairs Minister dreams of a tall white cap and apron, wants to be a cook, a confectionery maker.

   LLB hell, when he appeared on a morning show with some young people at Channel 7 he was making fudge, showing off his dexterity with a wooden spoon and a tin of condensed milk. Can’t the parents of these young people teach them how to cook? What’s that you said—no decent parent will teach the young ones how to whip up the kind of fudge they were making? Why, it’s only peanuts and wangla you put in that. Stop your obsession with weed. Follow the math; if you put herb in fudge, there’ll be none for the brownies. Hn, if that man is really spicing fudge, I recommend that his next demo be on Plus TV. He’ll have to bring his A-game, so the pot doesn’t boil over.

   Wherefrom does this man get time to be making fudge when he and the Foreign Minister should be about putting back into the law all the things they took out to please the people who are now pushing for a referendum. What world is that man living in, making fudge like he doesn’t have a care and absolutely nothing of import to do? So what if it was before 8 o’clock? As a representative, his every waking second should be devoted to us. Bah, making fudge on our time, when properly he should be about expunging all those crazy things they put into the law to appease people who are fighting to maintain the miserable status quo.

No, oh no, no, no, Louis

   The other morning, Louis from Plus TV, all excited, showed a video of cartel members driving through a police checkpoint in Guatemala as though they had diplomatic license plates. Fair enough to warn us about cartels, but the whole thing got muddled when Louis said that’s what we’re going to grow up to be like if we legalize marijuana. Whoa there, somebody is reading the book upside down.

   The math here is 1, 2, 3, and the Americans can tell us all about it. There are no rum cartels driving through police checkpoints over there. But they used to, back in the day when alcoholic drinks were prohibited in that country. How did the Americans end those violent years? Simple: they legalized drinking.

   The ABC formula for creating a cartel is to make illegal something that people want. The Americans know that. Following that cartel creation line, cocaine is illegal in the US, so there should be cocaine cartels driving through checkpoints in the US like they have diplomatic plates. The reason why they are not is because the Americans got smart.

   The Americans transported their fight against drugs overseas. They fight it on the sea, in the air, on the land, in our countries. They still have issues at home, but we deal with the bulk of the corruption and violence over here.

   When you bring the big hammer approach instead of sticking with the legitimate tool—education, education, and more education, you get cartels. Belizeans, these heart-and-soul religion guys are sincere, and if we wait 20 years we’ll hear them apologize for their myopic approach. But there’s no satisfaction in telling people, I told you so. We just can’t afford to wait for them to turn the book right side up.

Was US Supreme Court abortion blow enough to save their union?

   When the things that divide us are too strong, we walk on the other side of the street to avoid seeing each other, which is a lot better than meeting up and coming to blows. In a healthy democracy we get by with, ‘I give you this and you give me that’, but when there is nothing I can give you or you can give me to make the beautiful compromise, that’s a gulf too wide to cross. Then it is better that we live on opposite sides of town.

   There’s a deep divide in the US over abortion rights and gay marriage. For all their serious racial issues, gun rights issues, drugs issues, welfare program issues, it’s a wonder how they’ve held together this long. Whoa there, people can get over every mountain, cross every sea, but when the divide is rooted in religion, there will be no reasoning.

   There are Muslim groups that allow abortions, for reasons from endangerment of the mother to rape and incest, and there are Christian groups that aren’t 100% against it. A story on Healthline, “Meet the Religious Groups Fighting to Save Abortion Access” says the Episcopal Church and the United Methodist Church are not hardline against a woman’s right to choose, as the Catholics and Southern Baptists are.

   Where religious leaders are against abortion, there is no bend. My gudnis, it is a black man leading them. Everyone thought the power was with Obama, but da man is Clarence Thomas, backed up by a white woman wife who was supporting the most ludicrous teef-di-election claim. We have heard about the wicked PUP and their scientific invisible ink, and there might be more than a little truth about the blue raising the dead on election-day and the reds giving plane tickets to Belizeans abroad, but yu ain’t heard nohtn until yu meet the Americans, whose fraud allegations led to January 6, the day of their worst infamy!

   Before getting back to the charge Clarence is leading over there, one point being made about abortion is that this is a woman’s thing, so men should stay out. In the world of gender, who can forget Representative Panton’s impassioned speech in the House in support of the pardon for Miss Nora Parham? How poorly they think of us. Tracy really didn’t have to say—it was a jury of 12 men!

   Keeping the light on gender, with a little family flavor, I heard Dean B speak up for Tracy’s UDP sister, Sista B, the lady who is set on making a record for non-representation. Hmm, there might be some money in it, maybe even an international book deal. But she might just get derailed if the PUP follows through with its call that she be, recalled. Whoa, there’s irony here. You can count on less than 5 fingers the number of reforms introduced by Dean B. One of them, that no one can hold the PM’s job 4 times, blocked his path and almost led us to the other John. And another of his reforms could lead to Sista B being chased from outside the House.

    I wish the smart PUP could find another word for their agenda. Whenever I hear the word, “recall”, I think of the opening words to Burning Spear’s great song which begins with the line…”Lets’ recall some great men”. Hmm, there’s nothing great about holding a seat to please your brother, and Finnegan.

   The way I understand this outlawing of Roe v Wade in the US, which made abortion legal, the decision is to allow states to decide their destiny. In every country, district, community in the world, murder is the most serious crime, and it is the interpretation of many that a fetus must get the full respect of a human being.

   I won’t go into why I support a woman’s right to decide, but in the interest of living together, for those who want to keep their union intact, maybe it’s best that on this one they live apart. Yes, those for, in their states, and those against, in their states.

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