by Colin Hyde

Dear Nelita M. Sambula Doherty, I got a little space and I read the first story from your book, Es Lo Que Es – It Is What It Is And Other Belizean Stories – and it hit the spot. I enjoyed it so much I have planned my day around the other stories. Delightful! I gave it to my granddaughter, who refuses to dance a single step with me when I get out my bottle and put on my select brokdong selections, and she loved it too. Thumbs up all around! Ooh, that first story, set in San Estevan, sweeter than the sweetest shuga cane. As our famous Jenny Lovell would say: love it, love it, love it!

Hmm, crying for their sugar fix

If I was, ehm, malicious, I would use the word “pathetic” to describe all the crying this week because of a sugar shortage, in a country that has been exporting sugar like forever. Waa, big people crying riot for light cake and lemonade. And they didn’t stop there. What savagery, these charges of illegal exportation skullduggery because they are not able to get their white sugar!

I’m no hypocrite; I know that all God’s children have vice; for some it’s that, for others it’s something else. Of course, all of us who like rum believe we know where the sugar went. Check a certain warehouse in Orange Walk. I say, Waldir and the SSB could not have known that securing their supply for their little scheme would cause a shortage, in a country where sugar is as common as rice and beans.

Dean Barrow knows better

Why is Dean Barrow following Michael Peyrefitte’s lead when both know that Cabinet is as inviolable as a bar room—that what you see or hear there, stays there? How on earth could the court or public have the right to anything that is said in Cabinet? If a Cabinet member said he thought it would be a good idea for us to become the 23rd department, that’s inside those walls. If a Cabinet member said, “I have here a pension plan for all of us boys, and the girl too”, that too is stuck inside those walls. Revealing the words spoken in Cabinet would be like accessing the thoughts that flit through a president’s head. There is immunity for what is said in the House. There is secrecy for what is said in Cabinet.

Dean Barrow referenced something that happened in a Cabinet on some island. I’m not taking his word for it. Let him produce the evidence.

Whoa there, nothing happens in Cabinet until it happens. Then, an official statement is made or a matter goes to the House. This corner is not going after the PUP for anything frivolous. This Definitive Agreement, okay, fair enough that we know why Contreras got off his shot way early, according to Tracy, and why certain people got all the land in the area. That goal-hungry Erwin didn’t look to pass, he drew bow and let his shot fly; and Hugo reportedly signed off some property.

Getting to a grievous matter, the exile of Andre Perez: the new AG is hedging over this media-made storm in a teacup. I have to tell him that while he delays, a man is being crucified because certain media and opposition politicians got excited over a tiff.

Eamon’s recent report – Russia, A; Haiti, B; Israel, B; Venezuela, A

The many government decisions our recently retired Foreign Minister, Eamon Courtenay, presented in the world space need an entire column, but we can cut to the chase here and give some grades, with some brief explanations.

It was an easy “A” for our government, this decision to condemn Russia for its ugly, brutal invasion of Ukraine.

The Haiti situation is different from the others, because while there is much outside influence, there are many internal issues there. Allow me to give a “B”, for now.

Israel’s attack on Gaza, it’s like one of these rampages in the US we read about, where a madman loads up on weapons and ammunition and goes on a shooting, killing spree. We are reminded that Israel was provoked. These madmen who massacre children at schools are provoked too, by something crazy inside their head. The difference between those two scenes is the scale. If the US doesn’t withdraw its support for Israel, they won’t end until everyone in Gaza is dead, or driven into exile. Still, I think Belize should have stopped short of kicking Israel out of the Jewel. That’s why I give a “B”.

It was an embarrassing and dangerous position taken by Maduro over in Venezuela—going to the streets for license to aggress Guyana. It’s a total contradiction for a left-wing government to aggress a neighbor over a line drawn by Europeans who committed genocide in the Americas.

But Guyana, when it got into bed with the rich multinational oil companies, wasn’t exactly expressing solidarity with Venezuela. It’s not a simple story here. Venezuela had its say. Respect to Comrade Maduro for declaring that they aren’t thinking military. I give an “A”. Yes, Eamon played a beautiful hand here in a tricky situation. There is absolutely no way we could support any military aggression by Venezuela, and we made that known through CARICOM.

How Dubai ran our port down to US$10 million

And the time came when the UDP government couldn’t stomach any of the Ashcroft arrogance anymore, but having run the economy into the ground, they didn’t have the money to remedy the bad situation. Remember, this was a time when Ashcroft had the UDP government tied up in court, when the UDP leader had discovered that his machete was dull on both sides, and rank and file UDP leaders had resuscitated a goose that laid golden passports. Ha, the wily UDP leader had legally taken care of his personal peeps, and the rank and file, they were eagerly about illegally getting theirs.

The people saw, and it didn’t look bright for the UDP at the polls. But if they got back the port, took it out of the stranglehold of the allies of this Ashcroft, and gave it back to the people, it would be a feather in their cap. Oh, the woes of the leaders and people in a third world country. We didn’t have the money. Where, where would we get it from?

Sedi thought of Israel. That daring Penner spoke up for South Korea. Castro wanted to talk about Taiwan, but couldn’t. If George Price was a UDP, he would have said, in the old days Guatemala bought us a printing press. John had a friend from Armenia, but he only wanted to sponsor football boots and uniforms. Godwin wasn’t elected, so he couldn’t champion Singapore. And what an alliance that last would have been, one of the port capitals of the world taking over the prize in Belize.

Bah, no money. But they really wanted that port. It is to be told how they ended up looking for a savior in Dubai. What is no secret is the scorn from Dubai when they took him to the pier and he saw what we were trying to sell. Rich people can be such snobs. Those bohgaz, they couldn’t pay me to take a villa in Dubai. My, the encounter got a little testy because Dubai didn’t have any respect, and Barrow, even though his country was broke and he desperately needed the money so his party could buy back the port and look good, didn’t have to take any cheek because he, personally, was filthy rich.

They drove up to the port in a Range Rover. Wait, didn’t Diki and Rufus ruin that beyond repair while it was resting in its garage? No? They only said they wished they could do to it what somebody did to Paslow’s historic building? Okay, they drove up to the port, and got on a trolley with four squeaking wheels that was pushed out to the pier, to the docking area for the ships. It was perfect weather in Belize. But the objective would have gone better if the sea was less choppy.

Mr. Dubai (henceforth Mr. D): Tell me, the sea, is it always so muddy?
Mr. Barrow (henceforth Mr. B): You mean turquoise, milky turquoise. Corozal Bay looks just like this. A good place to have a party with pibil and Belikin beer.
Mr. D: The water looks muddy to me.
Mr. B: You have a problem with mud?
Mr. D: In Dubai all we are used to is sand, sand as far as the eye can see, sand castles, sand dunes…
Mr. B: I heard about the sandstorms.
Mr. D: Ah, yes, we do have sandstorms. But no mud. That’s why our sea is crystal.
Mr. B: In the dry season the sea here is clear too. You can see the bottom.
Mr. D: Bully. What a prize to see—your mud bottom.
Mr. B: There’s fishing too. If you eat fish you’ll like this one. Once a man caught a barracuda right off this pier.
Mr. D: A man—I don’t mean to sound racist but all the people I see are black.
Mr. B: Well, you can meet Mr. Luke Espat.
Mr. D: Espat? There are Espats here? We wondered where they all went. But it’s not like we’re asking them to come back.
Mr. B: You had trouble with the Espats?
Mr. D: There’s not an Espat, a Chebat, a Shoman, or a Musa in Dubai. We wouldn’t mind having the Shomans and Musas visit. Ahm, tell me, over there, to the west, that swimming pool?
Mr. B: That’s off limits. You can’t go there to swim.
Mr. D: Sharks?
Mr. B: Yes, lots of sharks. And, contrary to what we tell the tourists, they don’t only bite Belizeans. Okay, maybe we best go look at the warehouses. They are rundown. Ever since that Ashcroft from Britain bought…
Mr. D: Wait, it’s not the Belizeans who own the port?
Mr. B: Well, ahm…
Mr. D: A British owns the port? Come clean, man; no fudging.
Mr. B: Well, yes.
Mr. D: I think you know the deal is off. We don’t do business with the British. You should have told me. It would have saved me the trip.
Mr. B: With all your money I couldn’t see you fearing Albion.
Mr. D: We have good reason. You must have heard about our meeting Lawrence. We didn’t lose a country; we lost all of Arabia.
Mr. B: So, it’s off?
Mr. D: Yes. But I have this briefcase here with $10 million. Maybe you have something else to sell, something more, eh, lucrative.
Mr. B: You have something in mind?
Mr. D: I was thinking about your, ahm, Boledo.
Mr. B: Anything else but our Boledo. That’s for Mr. Brads.