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Marriage for poly spouses — no

One of the big frets over gay unions becoming legal marriages was what it would lead to. We all know human beings – give them an inch, they want a yard. Boy, how boldly and nobly did our religious community fight against the toppling of Section 53 of our Constitution, which made same sex inside a closet legal.

Many don’t support gay rights because they believe lovers of that Bible-cursed activity can change their ways, but for some it was the fear of what comes next. Yep, we all know human beings. Worldwide a great fear was that if that crowd got all they wanted, the pedophiles would start agitating for adult unions with children, and another fear, interestingly shared by some gays, was that beast lovers would be hankering to share wedding cake with their beasts.

Surprise, surprise, a group of absolutely not-gay women have emerged full bore for the right for them and their multiple husbands to be showered with rice. They emerged with their agenda in South Africa, and they have that country in an upheaval with their plot. Don’t make the mistake of looking the other way at anything over there, because we are over here. Just like when the daam Americans sneeze we kech cold, these kinds of unions could go ehm…viral. Remember, we are a multi-cultural society, so the influences, seeds, might be present already.

Pumza Fihlani, in the BBC News story titled, “Outcry over South Africa’s multiple husbands proposal”, said the South African government had proposed the legalization of polyandry — one woman with many men. Fihlani said that a professor, Collis Machoko, said people who are objecting are all “about control” … that “African societies are not ready for true equality. We don’t know what to do with women we cannot control.”

South Africa embraces same-sex marriages and polygamy, but many people over deh absolutely noh ready fu woman wid latta man. Fihlani said Musa Mseleku, a business and television personality who has four wives, said he is opposed to polyandry because it will “destroy African culture.” Mr. Mseleku asks, “What about the children of those people? How will they know their identity?”

Aha, women that we can’t control! What are their options in western society? Hmm, this polyandry is a fascinating story, a lot of interesting points, but you can Google it or have someone do so for you. So, after saying, imagine a little 12-year-old girl dreaming of growing up to be a “queen bee”, let’s get on to my take, which is no way to blessing polyandry, and my, that polygamy is a nice idea, like what the Mahatma said of western civilization.

Polygamy — remember that little song, “kill all the man, all that is left is women”. Boy, to be king, uncontested!

The first polygamy hero is Mr. Solomon, he with the thousand wives and many concubines and the riches only a man living in a capitalist world could acquire. Beginning from the beginning, Solomon’s father, King David, was humbled as low as dirt because of an illicit relationship he had with Bathsheba, Solomon’s mom.

She must have been polyandrous. According to the story, in the broad of day she decided to go to her bath house to take a fresh. I say she must have been that way, because why else would she bathe where the king could see her glory if he went on his roof, a place where he must have gone many times to meditate, and to look at the world he controlled.

The king looked down, was smitten, and he inquired of her and found that she was wife to one of his warriors, Uriah, who was off defending the realm. The king fell hard, and to cover up his failure he sent to the war front and brought home Uriah, just in case. David’s fall, though not laudable, it wasn’t surprising, but what Uriah did, was.

We have to wonder… perdón, I’ll get back on course. We can blame Bathsheba for exposing her glorious self in that ventilated bathhouse, but the man who made it must share in the guilt. Was he a disinterested male? I think an interested man would have built a shuttered bathhouse.

Uriah came home and refused to sleep with Bathsheba because he didn’t want to frolic when his brother soldiers were at war. Ai, this world, this world, so noble was Uriah in respect to the men in the army, and so ignoble to his wife who must have been so excited to see him.

We all know the rest of the story. Uriah died in battle, David took Bathsheba as wife, and she gave birth to Solomon, Solomon the king with the thousand wives, and concubines too! Solomon has one up on Peter Tosh. The latter tried to legalize marijuana. Solomon is the daddy of polygamy.

Earlier this year you must have read about the death of a 76-year-old Indian man who had a house with many rooms in which resided 39 wives and 94 children. Naturally, there have been many interviews with the ambitious guy, the libertine, but if you interviewed those 39 women I bet you’d find that if they were in that relationship by choice, many of them would have more interest in women lovers, or be very lukewarm to males.

My take of polygamy is that it works in a country where women have no rights, women are financially destitute, and/or women are very tolerant. There are individuals, 7 billion of us on this planet with 7 billion minds, so we must expect variants, but in general this system can only work where there are the above three situations, all of which are influenced by culture. If girls are brought up to exist with these type of relationships, many of them will be compliant.

Aha, the non-compliant ones over in South Africa, the kind who would want to kill all other women so they are the only one left, for us to fight over, they want to be legal.

I don’t want to rain on anyone’s fun, but I can’t vote yes in a referendum for such arrangements over here. Poly relationships would worsen the sexual health of nations over here, because western society is very loose. That poly thing calls for strict fidelity. In the case of a guy like our old Indian friend, if he contracted anything he would pass it on to the 39 in the flock, even the ones who were just in it for the proximity to other women.

I don’t know a red-blooded one in our part of the world who’d say this poly business isn’t attractive, the kind of stuff to dream about. It is for sure that our world is cramping—my, some fit into the scheme easily, some struggle to conform, and some don’t give a daam. For those who squirm, they have the satisfaction that it is not for naught, it is for the good of the society.

Over there, in South Africa, I guess those polygamists will have to yield. We all want our cake, and as much as it might hurt, we have to allow others to have theirs. I don’t like the polyandry idea, but South Africa will have to bless both, or neither.

In sealing the deal on this poly spouses system, we have to ask why societies with one-man, one- woman marriage arrangements rolled over societies where men have many wives. You have noticed that the word sex never enters where talks of the noble practice of polygamy are carried on. Well, a man with five wives can’t work as hard, daily bread business, as a man with one spouse. And in that vein, polyandry has to be more practical than polygamy, because while a man and a woman might be tired, only one has to rise to the task.

In our part of the world these types of relationships belong on the fringes, alongside gay business. There’s no need to put anyone in jail for polygamy or polyandry, but there’ll be no marriage papers.

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