Sunday, September 1, 2024
I was 7 years old when I first started having conversations with God! “Pray mama, pray papa, pray to God, to bless me, to make me a good boy. Amen!” These many decades later, I still can’t go to bed without talking to God, albeit it’s more in the form of apologies for mostly doubting God’s existence. And my conversations are really honest and frank talks, not the “Our Father” stuff. First of all, I believe that if God exists, Its gender is neutral; It is neither male nor female. That would be discriminatory, and God is fair; It cannot discriminate!
I think I began having doubts 40 years ago after my younger sister died of cancer. She was one of the best persons I know, didn’t have a mean streak in her, and was always a mediator. In spite of all that, she died a cruel and painful death, leaving this world and her 2 young children motherless. In my talks with God, I still bring her up every night, asking God to bless her, although my requests are more perfunctory than based on facts!
I see people, especially children, suffering unimaginable pain, in Gaza, in Sudan, in Belize, all over the world. Why would this spirit allow such pain and suffering of the innocent to exist? All the cruelty in this world is blamed on Satan; now, that one I definitely don’t believe in. But for argument’s sake, why would the all-powerful entity allow some demon to run rampant on this little world of ours?
More importantly, why would God have as His representatives these so-called preachers who preach hate and division and sow seeds of discord and war and division? When the Crusaders went into Palestine, they slaughtered Arabs and Jews with the same intensity and hatred. It is said that one could walk knee-deep in the blood of all those murdered in the name of God in Jerusalem!
Before the advent of Christianity, the Romans had their gods and Elysium, the Norse and the Germanic peoples had Valhalla, the Greeks had Olympus, and on and on! Christianity made it more palatable by having one God, and of course He had to be male. What a ting!
My point is that I don’t know if God exists; the universe is so vast, that I don’t believe God would have the time to give each of us His undivided attention, seriously! I believe that religion is a tool to give us hope for an afterlife that I don’t believe exists. We are born, we die, and the cycle continues. Why would we ever be given a second chance to screw up the world more than we already have?
But, with all my doubts, my reservations, I continue to have this conversation with a spirit that I have doubts about. For me it’s therapeutic; I feel better after I’ve told God what’s on my mind! I do know that God would reject all these religious leaders who encourage genocide in Gaza and elsewhere. People who try to keep us in line with threats of some hell, filled with fire and brimstone.
I believe that heaven and hell are inside each of us. I look at the beauty of nature, or a beautiful woman, and I’m in heaven. I look at all the man-made chaos that surrounds us, and I’m in hell!
“Pray mama, pray papa, pray to God to bless me, to make me a good boy. Amen!”
Glen