Mon. Apr. 24, 2023
A crazy, mad murder scenario which nobody saw coming, has left a whole community to ponder the circumstances that could have led to this monumental tragedy, the second such occurrence in the Ladyville community in a couple decades. The problem for us in a society that already has strict gun laws, is that screening of individuals who seek to hold gun licenses can hardly account for persons with deep-rooted issues that are not evident. As a society, we may be overlooking a silent crisis among our young men, while focusing a lot of attention on the plight of “women against violence.”
Where the behavior of many of our young men is concerned, there seems to be a troubling level of stress, and even trauma, that is very much internalized, so that very few people realize that there is a serious problem brewing, until, unfortunately, there is a breaking point at which the young man has a nervous breakdown, goes “crazy”, or exhibits a violent outburst. We are not experts here, but we have seen enough to know that all is not well. And so we throw out these thoughts/ideas and notions to spur the experts and the professionals in the field to weigh in and help our people heal from the trauma they are silently experiencing, especially those whose economic circumstances have made them more vulnerable.
A lot of resources and focus has been directed in recent years to the struggle of “women against violence.” The inescapable fact is, that it is our men who are being violent towards our women, most often their own woman partner. There is a saying that “hurt people hurt people.” And we propose here that more attention needs to be directed to our men. The source of the problem is there. If our men are relieved of their trauma, they will not be breaking down, and lashing out violently against the women in their lives.
And where do we begin? That is the 1.4 million dollar question.
Certain cultures and religions make it a top priority for the young mother to remain at home with her child for the first few years of growth and nurturing when the bonds of motherly love and sense of security are cemented. Of course, it is not so simple. And many of our liberated sisters will quickly be up in arms, rejecting the traditional “enslavement” notion that “a woman’s place is in the home,” when many of them have the urge and the aptitude to excel in various professional and scientific fields. “Women are equal to men” has been the cry, and our women, those so inclined, have entered every arena previously considered a man’s domain. Women are now competing in all major sports, even the brutal ones like mixed martial arts; and they are employed in almost every area of work alongside the men.
This is the new age. Bravo! The only problem now is that many of our young men are unskilled, uneducated or emotionally unprepared to maintain stable and fulfilling relationships without resorting to the use of physical force or other intimidating behavior towards their woman partner. What’s going on? When a brother “loses it”, and commits violence, even deadly violence in rare cases against a woman partner sparked by jealous love, it sends shivers through all other women in our community, and by extension it unsettles all men who are holding up their heads and maintaining their dignity in treating their female partners with the respect and queenly reverence they deserve.
This problem is more common than most of us know or want to admit, and the solution is inevitably a long road. Traditionally, our old folks always say that a “boy child” is harder to raise than a “girl child.” There seems to be a belief that, for whatever reason, male children are generally more adventurous, reckless, and also run into more early health issues than females. Myth or fact? Childhood emotional trauma caused by parental neglect or abandonment for whatever reason or circumstance, can have a long-lasting impact on the emotional stability of the young adult. A girl child who is starved of parental love and validation may be at greater risk as a young adult of becoming a victim of abuse by men. On the other hand, a young man who did not get his share of a mother’s love growing up, or who experienced that trauma of absence or neglect for a significant period, may carry that emotional scar and trauma for a very long time. That insecurity in a man, may propel him to unconsciously over-compensate for that shortcoming in situations where his relationship with the woman of his affection is being tested, and can often lead to his eruption, explosion into violence that can even, sadly, become front page news.
Where do we begin?
When a man has a secure job, and his earnings can safely meet the needs of his family, with or without the assistance of a working female partner, we have covered the first step towards a healthy and happy society, where violence against women is not an issue. But whenever there is such trauma and stress in a home situation with children, where, due to male departure or job issues, the woman/mother must leave the side of her young children for extended periods in seeking her own earnings/employment, the seeds may be planted in one or more of her male children, and such insecurity may manifest itself later in their life in the form of violent behavior in their relationships.
Jobs! Jobs! Jobs!
And even jobs now will not automatically heal the scars of emotional trauma being carried by many of our young men, especially the so-called gang members/leaders. As a society, we must find a way to “contain” those brothers who have been emotionally scarred by “the system.” But, while everything must be done to engage them in gainful employment, the bigger objective to be aspired to in this endeavor, is that the male children in their homes have a better chance at securing and maintaining a mother’s love through their critical formative years.
In some old African village cultures, there was a process called “manhood training,” where the young boys at puberty were taken away by the elder males and guided through certain rites of passage to manhood, which for them also included circumcision. But, before those male youth were to embark on that “manhood” process, they had all been already nurtured by a mother’s love throughout their years of infancy, so there was not that trauma of insecurity that haunts so many of our youths today. It is conventional to declare that young men need a father’s image to make that step into strong adulthood. But we suggest that, without the firm foundation of a mother’s love, that journey will often still be perilous later in life.
Our women are indeed the mothers of the nation. Everything depends on them. Therefore, as a community and as a nation, we must do everything we can to ensure that, regardless of work nature or obligations, every mother will get top priority and be afforded the opportunity to spend as much precious time with her young children as possible. Special agreements must be in place for working conditions for mothers, whatever the cost. It is an investment as a nation we cannot afford not to make.